IT SUCKS. My Lactation Consultant would either cringe or shake her head in sympathy if she read this but I just have to tell you, it sucks. Women have been breastfeeding for thousands upon thousands of years and here we are just failing at it.
I try. I’ve tried. I won’t give up. I had 2-month premature babies who spent more than a month in the NICU and breastfeeding just hasn’t really clicked with any of us. Latching, suckling, massaging- all of it has left us frustrated, in tears and just plain upset.
I’ve pumped my breast milk since before I even laid eyes on the twins and at first the lactation consultant couldn’t believe that I was getting so much and had just started. She told me I would be just fine. JUST FINE.
Well I was just fine until my measly 2-ounces per breast every 2-3 hours wasn’t keeping up with my hungry babies appetites. Stress from being away from home, not eating or drinking enough and just plain exhaustion made my 2-ounces dwindle to half-an-ounce.
One of the twins came out of the NICU with 2 packs of formula for “just in case”. The nurses taking care of my other twin told me he needed ONLY breast milk after his illness. I brought them what I had and they asked if I had any more. I cried when I told them that was it and they called the doctors to see which formula he needed.
I came home shortly after that with the promise that my son would be out soon. I ate granola, oatmeal cookies, drank “Mother’s Milk” tea supplemented with herbs to promote lactation, I’ve bought extra accessories for my pump and I’ve researched different techniques to improve my pumping. It’s picked up but I’m still supplementing with formula.
To pour salt in the wound, that was created in the moments when nurses, lactation consultants and doctors told me I was doing great and to keep up the good work, the WIC consultants have me listed as a “formula mother”. Even though I’ve tried and tried, I’m labeled as a formula mom.
I’m not saying anything is wrong with being a formula mom but I had set my mind to breast feeding and then my son getting sick and needing my milk just made it that much more important to me.
Now with both of the twins home I barely have time for anything like pumping, drinking “X” amount of water, eating fruits, veggies and the like. I pump on average about 5 times per day when I really need to do it every 2-hours.
I try at least once a week to see if the part in the twins brains that says “hey, this is how I’m supposed to feed” has developed and they latch. The longest one has latched was five minutes. That’s it. The rest has been trying to latch, not getting anything and then crying in frustration.
Maybe one day we’ll get this whole breastfeeding thing. Maybe I’ll be a weak “pumper” for a year. But I know one thing…I’m not going to quit. Ever.
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article sponsered by Northern Michigan certified lactation consulting and Mother Hubbards Country Cupboard
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