Some Things About Boobs

Hello! I am back for a check in!

We are 32w2d and have been having some minor pregnancy complications (nothing major or too worrying but looking like a scheduled c-section earlier than we thought due to a still low lying placenta and some anti-e antibodies which will require monitoring for Stevie’s health) and some HELL with hospital midwives being DICKS about surrogacy…I am too sick of them all and grumpy to explain it here, suffice to say we have had to draft in lawyers, so instead I am going to tell you about my boobs.

Of course I am only three days into my gruelling 3 hour round-the-clock pumping schedule but I will tell you that I have already discovered a whole wealth of stuff about expressing and my boobs. Here it is in bullets:

• It’s ….weird. I hate that word but I can’t think of any other appropriate word to describe the strange sensation of a machine trying to milk you.
• The milk looks kinda gross when it comes out. I keep having to tell myself it is in fact milk and not some manky looking pus leaking from my nipples!
• My lefty, as predicted, will be the over achiever. Righty, as predicted will be the problem boob.
• Righty is partially flat, hurts like fuck and is basically a pain in my boob. Literally.
• Turns out I have small nipples (on average sized boobs and quite large areolas)! I am onto my third flange size and will be hacking my Spectra with medela parts tonight.
• When the pump is sucking away it feels in your boob like you would expect a bottle with a nipple to feel, if bottles could feel of course, when you suck the last of the drink out. Like bubbly and …well…sucky…ha
• Brewers yeast makes me burp a curry-like taste.
• Fenugreek smells like maple syrup and makes me want ice cream.
• I think I am going to permanently smell of a strange mix of coconut (oil), curry (brewer’s yeast. Sidenote: that stuff is RANK) and maple syrup (fenugreek).
• My nipples are already looking like mum nipples.
• Lanolin is made from Sheep’s wool-grease! But it is amazing.
• Coconut oil is a godsend.
• I have never spent so much time touching, massaging and looking at my boobs but, as I informed my husband, it is NOT sexy.
• I am massively impatient. Third day in and I am getting about enough of a drop on the flange per pump to feed maybe a new-born pigmy sized mouse. I want my boobs to hurry up. Scratch that, this morning I got about a tablespoon-sized puddle in the actual bottle! I’m excited but still impatient, ha!
• I am much less embarrassed about expressing/breastfeeding than I thought I would be (I am a somewhat shy, introvert). Today when I had to pump in work for the first time, the (male) head of security who had to let me in the room blushed and told me that “in order to save the embarrassment of the other security men” I didn’t have to explain what I needed the room for, they would just note that I need it twice a work day. I laughed and said “Sure I don’t want them to be embarrassed!” and I found it hilarious and totally not uncomfortable for me. Huge plus!

So, what has been going on folks?

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article sponsered by Northern Michigan certified lactation consulting and Mother Hubbards Country Cupboard