When you are expecting and planning the first years of your child’s life, one of the considerations taken is whether or not to breastfeed.
Early on I decided that I wanted to breastfeed my baby before I realized her gender or decided how long I would do it. The truth of the matter was that I had little to no knowledge of what that decision meant. I read articles of encouragement, debates on myth versus fact, information on how to succeed, etc. . But what I was in for was more than basic facts or even dependant on my own person. It went beyond the ability to persevere or the need to provide the very best for my child.
New Beginnings
When I took my baby to the breast for the first time — she gazed at me with those inquisitive eyes of hers, ears and hands grasping at anything and everything in reach — it cemented my decision and I knew I had to try my best to keep that natural quality of her personality happy and healthy. The nurses showed me how to properly latch, providing suggestions and advice as we entered our new path together. But it wasn’t until we went home that I began to realize our journey was only just beginning its surprises.
Breastfeeding at Home
With some help from a local lactation consultant, I learned that I was over-producing — far from my irrational fear of not producing at all because I didn’t experience any leaking prior to delivery. My baby was able to latch and fill her tummy from one breast more than once before needing to switch (though I switched between feedings as was suggested in the hospital).
I thought I was lucky… until I was told that a likely contributing source to her colic, a common condition found in young children, was the lack of the heavier milk reached toward the back of the breast. That heavier milk would have helped counter the lighter, airier, milk at the front of the breast that contributed to her gas. I didn’t recognize the connection until my consultant asked, inquiring if she had hiccups after feeding and if she usually fed herself full on one side. It turned out she had the same experience when nursing her own child.
I realized the cause of the over-producing was likely do to my pumping of milk after feedings in preparation for when I returned to work. I did this because it was much easier to pump, i.e. I got easier flow, after the breast experienced the natural nursing of my baby. Although it didn’t explain how I initially begun over-producing prior to pumping, which I learned comes naturally to some women just as under-producing may to others.
Breastfeeding at Work
There are several laws and regulations regarding breastfeeding mothers in the workplace. I highly suggest you research local laws governing your area for this topic.
I did some research before returning to work and realized that the rights of breastfeeding moms in the workplace needs quite a bit of improvement. However, I was relieved that there were at least minimum standards required to be met by my employer at the time. These included: a private “place”, other than the bathroom, and reasonable break times that could be used to express milk however many times needed. Pretty basic, right?
There are no federal regulations declaring that the space used for expressing milk must be hygienic (other than requiring that it not have to be a bathroom), or that workers not bother, harass, or rush you to get back to work while you are in said “private” place. Also, notice how it protects the employers by not requiring any pay, however minimal, for said time usage by nursing mother’s, further discouraging the desire to breastfeed for families already stressed about finances after the addition of their new member.
Like I said earlier, there are different laws in different states – some more protective while others more conservative – so please check out the laws of your area if you intend to breastfeed while attending work (or school).*
Breastfeeding in public.
If you’ve ever tried, or plan to try, breastfeeding in public, realize that everyone has different opinions concerning the matter. Be prepared for the whispers or glances, the avoiding as well as the attention it may get by both familiar and unfamiliar faces. That’s right, even friends and family have their opinions.
Don’t be discouraged! Focus on your baby, (s)he needs you. Get lost in those eyes or the shine of their head. Lock into memory the feel of their hand in yours, or the pressure of their kick outside your tummy. This is Your time together. Take advantage of it.
In the United States, breastfeeding in public is federally permitted by law. However, details may vary by state, just as they do with breastfeeding and the workplace laws.
For more information on breastfeeding laws, please see the Breastfeeding State Laws on the National Conference of State Legislatures website.
I’m sure other countries have similar laws, so do your research if you wish to protect yourself or friends and family.
Knowing When to Stop
The decision of when to stop breastfeeding is always a personal one, but is it always Your decision?
Whose Decision is it?
In truth, it is a combined decision of each of all parties directly involved you (your mind), your body, and your baby.
Baby’s?
Some infants decide on their own that they would prefer solid foods, or even formula. Don’t take this personally. We all have different tastes, digestive systems, and interests. Trying to force your child to nurse because you read of all the benefits, or perhaps because you find it convenient, can lead to other problems down the road. Listen and watch for the signs your child gives you – be they the obvious turning of the head toward other options or the more subtle shifts in their feeding schedule.
Mom’s?
On the other hand, You may decide that enough is enough! And desire your own personal space back. Or perhaps the pain is getting to you and you just can’t take anymore! The decision to stop breastfeeding is yours in these cases. Don’t let others shame you into thinking you didn’t try your best — everyone has their limits!
External or Internal Forces?
But what about those times when external influences or internal conflicts create a difficult breastfeeding environment?
Milk Production
I was lucky to not have too much trouble nursing early on, but as time passed that over-production of milk became an under-supply for my growing baby.
I believe it had something to do with switching from skin-to-skin nursing to the manual and mechanical expression of milk experienced much more frequently after I went back to work. My body could tell the difference between Baby and Not-Baby, and tried to slow the supply thinking my baby didn’t need it. (Or perhaps my pumping wasn’t as effective as Baby’s lips.) This under-supply lead to the need to supplement with soft foods earlier than both I and my baby desired. Therefore I began searching for ways to boost my milk supply, and found a solution in the form of lactation cookies.
Lactation cookies aren’t the only way said to increase milk supply, but they sure seem the yummiest! Although certain specific ingredients believed to increase milk supply, such as fennel, are often found in lactation cookies, other options include getting enough rest (which can be hard if you are also working), drinking plenty of water (not just fluids), fully emptying each breast after a feeding or expression session as well as with frequent skin-to-skin nursing, and having a healthy diet and lifestyle.
For more information, please read a post on Nursing Supplement Reviews by Paul Grudnitsky.
Illness
There are also times when an illness gets in the way of breastfeeding goals. In most cases it is recommended that you not start, and to discontinue, weaning when you are sick, because your baby would have likely been exposed to the same germs that got you sick before you even began feeling symptoms. The antibodies your body produces to counteract the illness will help reduce the effects that illness has on your nursing child. There are exceptions such as extreme illnesses that penetrate the bloodstream. It’s best to ask your pediatrician, OBGYN, midwife, or pharmacist especially if medication or over the counter remedies are involved.
Sometimes, however, it’s the medical condition of your nursing child that inadvertently dictates when breastfeeding should slow to a crawl. Unlike viruses that benefit from antibodies found in breast milk, certain conditions such as allergies or constipation can have your nursing child turning their nose from the breast, and indeed most other foods. In these situations you may decide to switch entirely to expressing milk for the duration of said condition. However, if you are already having problems with milk supply, this can certainly compound the situation. Please read the above section on nursing supplements, or refer below to the list of helpful links.
Deciding to Stop Breastfeeding
No matter whose decision it was or what circumstances led to this decision, having decided to stop breastfeeding is not the end of this road. Now comes the decision of when to completely cut off the milk supply. You shouldn’t completely cut off your child from one day to the next — It would ultimately cause more undue stress on both you and baby, and likely attachment issues. These things take time…
In my case, it took a course over several months, but this is far from the norm. What ended up happening after I made the decision to stop nursing and when, is that my daughter got sick soon after I began the gradual process which I had initially planned to take about a month.
As I stated earlier, antibodies found in breast milk are good for boosting the immune system. So, while my daughter was sick and for a short while after she got better, I took a break from trying to wean her off before trying again.. Then it happened again!
“My poor baby,” I thought. “How will I ever wean you off the breast if you keep getting sick when I try?”
If this sounds familiar, you at Not alone. Babies get sick. It’s a fact of life. Nursing infants have the added immunities of Mom, but all children eventually must build their own antibodies to their environment. When we aren’t permitted, we end up living in a bubble like that over-protected girl from the 2017 movie, Everything, Everything.
Even when I realized what was happening, it was still hard for me to completely wean her off, feeling as guilty as though I were choosing between her health and my own personal desires. It wasn’t until nature intervened and my daughter developed a decreased appetite due to a temporary medical condition that I finally had the chance to breathe… so-to-speak.
By the time she finally did get better, my milk supply had dwindled to near empty. (Since I had already decided it was time to wean her off, and been subsequently trying to do so for a couple months, I chose not to supplement or express milk during the time she was sick.) When she was ready to nurse again, she quickly ran out of milk and had to decide for herself if she was truly hungry and needed solid food, or if she was simply comforted by the act of nursing. It turned out to be mostly the latter as she began to allow herself to fall asleep in my arms or lap.
It is an important consideration to acknowledge that as your child begins to wean from the breast, they should be permitted to express there attachments in other ways. They need to know they are still loved and wanted, so don’t be surprised to find your little one cuddling up for some close attention. If you chose to stop nursing to recapture that elbow space, keep in mind that this transition is normal and usually temporary.
My daughter is still very much a mama’s girl, but at least she learned she doesn’t need to nurse to feel comforted. Now, a few months down the road, I often find her cuddled up on the bed or floor sleeping by herself. This leads to other sleep schedule problems for another day… 😅
Helpful links:
*For more information on breastfeeding laws, please see the Breastfeeding State Laws on the National Conference of State Legislatures website.
For more information on nursing supplements, please read a post on Nursing Supplement Reviews by Paul Grudnitsky.
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