Breast is best. The research confirms. The doctors agree. The playground Moms are preaching. The commercials are reminding us. Once you read this I’m sure that Facebook ads will remind you too!
Here’s the thing about breastfeeding, it sucks. Pun intended. But seriously. Some people nurse their babies with nothing but pure happiness. For a lot of people there are almost no “cons”. I picture those people nursing their babies atop a white fluffy cloud, harps playing, a rainbow above their head, unicorns, a pot of gold, big foot, all the magical things. Some people, though, are much more like me.
Before I complain, I want to say that what our bodies can do is magic. Pure magic. So if you can breastfeed I suggest you try. Just step into it as educated as possible.
I spent years researching anything baby related. It took my husband and I a long time to get pregnant so I had plenty of time to dream. During that time, I got the gist that breastfeeding was just pure amazingness with some random rare complications that I shouldn’t really worry about. Here is my real life experience:
Miracle baby #1. I had a scheduled c-section. She was absolutely perfect. She had jaundice so we were anxious for my milk to come in. Day 3, no milk. The nurse suggested I sit down with a lactation consultant. I walked down the hall with hopes in my heart & came out crying.
When you are told for 10 months that “breast is best”, then you have your perfect little baby and they tell you that you can’t give her what’s best for her… it’s heart breaking. I wasn’t even that invested in breastfeeding. Once they told me I couldn’t, it was like someone punched me in the gut. My stomach was in knots as I watched my husband give her her first formula bottle. I sobbed. It was such a range of emotions. She was starving and gulped down that bottle like it was the first thing she’s ever drank… oh wait, it was. I had been putting her on a dry breast and was being told that she was getting something it was just a really small amount that early. It was just awful.
Day 4: my milk comes in. Yes!
Day 5 – Month 6: Hell. I spent 6 months struggling with my supply. 6 months with either a baby or a pump on my breasts. During this period I had struggled with low supply. I was supplementing with formula but also constantly trying to up my supply. I was taking supplements, eating oatmeal, “power pumping”, renting a hospital grade pump, massaging my breasts, trying anything really. All while enduring “ya but you’re not really breast feeding“, “but don’t you only do it occasionally“, “ugh I feel bad for you formula is so gross”. If one of you judgy women are reading this, be compassionate. I haven’t decided if I wanted to swear in this blog or not but I have a few choice words for you. I put in just as much effort as a full-timer. It just wasn’t in my cards.
In February of 2016 I stopped trying. I cried during her last feed, and all night. Once the sadness wore off. I felt liberated. I had my boobs back. My baby was better than fine. My nipples didn’t hurt. I wasn’t spending $75 a month on a hospital grade pump. My boobs weren’t constantly hanging out.
Looking back now, I wish I stopped sooner. I ran myself into the ground because everyone in the world was saying it was what my baby needed. But I needed things too. I needed to be me again and not just a milk factory. Once I was me again, I was a better Mom & a better Wife.
Miracle Baby #2: I had a scheduled C-section. Everything went perfect. She was jaundice. Sound familiar? This time my milk came in. It came in great early on day 3. I finally was going to get that fluffy cloud nursing experience! Cut-to a few feedings in, my nipples are killing me. The dreaded bad latch. The nurse came in and said “her mouth is really small. She just simply can’t get it open any wider”. Basically it was on me to take the pain and deal with it. Having not had this opportunity with my first, I chose to deal with the pain. During the first month my nipples were so chapped that I was crying when she was nursing. So chapped that I didn’t want to wear a bra but I had to because I was leaking so much. It hurt to shower. It hurt to put cream on them. It just hurt. Eventually baby #2s mouth grew enough for her latch to not hurt and for my nipples to recover. Thank you baby Jesus!
About a month in now, it’s finally time to get this baby weight off! If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s losing and gaining weight. If there was an award for yo-yo dieting, I’d win it. They would give me a key to the city & have a feast in my name… probably around Thanksgiving when all the good carby foods are out in full force.
Having just had a baby I am about 60lbs over what I was pre-pregnancy. I decide that I didn’t want to cut out any major food groups so not to effect my milk supply (for those of you that don’t know, it dips if you are not well hydrated and/or well fed) so the best diet for me is calorie counting. Calorie counting is simple math. I’ve lost 100 lbs before while calorie counting. So, I start.
Two weeks into daily exercises and taking in 1,400 calories a day, which My Fitness Pal tells me is necessary to lose 2 lbs a week, I have lost nothing really. I’ve gone up a few and down a few and back up a few. This is strange because everything I read said that I should have an easier time losing weight if I’m breastfeeding. This is because producing milk burns calories. During my 6 week check up, I complain to my Doctor.
“I’m a pro at losing weight and I’m so heavy right now I feel like this should be happening faster, especially with the breast feeding”
His response was disheartening. He told me that a lot of women have a harder time losing weight while breast feeding. He said us lucky ones have bodies that hold on to the weight until we finish breast feeding. And as someone that is seriously overweight, that may have been what tipped the “con” scale for me. It is also the worst bit of false information floating about the internet.
From there I tried adding calories. Exercising more. Exercising less. I’m still the same weight, now at 8 weeks postpartum and was assured it would stay this way until I stop breastfeeding.
Take what you will from this blog post. What I hope I put forth into the universe and into your mind, dear reader, is simple. Not everything is roses while breastfeeding. Not everything on the internet is accurate, even if it’s on a medical website. It is rewarding. It is best. It is not the only option. It doesn’t need to feel bad to want your body back, or to never want to give that piece of your self up to begin with. After all, you gave your body for 10 months and now with a child you will give up your sanity for 18 years or likely more.
I have spared you the details of my chapped nipples. You’re welcome. Just know that it’s nothing insignificant like chapped lips. A mommy friend of mind shared with me that her daughter was spitting up blood from hers being so chapped. I know. It makes you squirm, doesn’t it? Well, that’s what us Mamas do. We endure for our children. I have had Mommy friends in the hospital with mastitis. I have had mommy friends suddenly loose supply. I have had mommy friends struggle with over supply. I have personally had minor blocked ducts, ouch. Breast feeding isn’t easy, for some of us. Although I feel that the scale is tipped towards “cons” for me, I still breastfeed miracle #2 and her tiny little mouth. Special mention to the mommy’s doing all this with multiples!
If you choose to breastfeed, here are some things that make it easier for me:
A good and portable breast pump. With miracle #1, I was all like “I’m no bougie, I don’t need a portable pump. I’ll use the one insurance covers fully”. Then I had miracle #2 and I was like, “what the f*ck was I thinking?”. It’s worth the extra money. Here is the one I used.
Spectra S1
Good breast pads. Your boobs will leak. If you’re anything like me, it’ll be really inconvenient. You need absorbent pads. I tried cloth pads but I leak way too much for those to work. If you have a heavy flow and don’t want to be soaking your shirts, go for something disposable. I used these
Lansinoh Ultimate Protection Nursing Pads
When you’re flow gets lighter, I enjoyed the feel of Bamboobies
A milk collector. I feel like my goals with breastfeeding was to have a good stash. It almost feels like an animal instinct to want to stash your liquid gold away some place safe. When you are giving baby one breast, the other is leaking. Don’t let it go to waist, girl. I used this when I was squirreling, and loved it.
Nature bond silicone milk saver suction
A good hand pump. Technically the milk saver is a hand pump but I could never figure it out. I like hand pumps for when I just needed quick relief. I used it a ton before I got a portable breast pump. There was less parts and for me less hassle. This is the one I used.
Nipple shields. I didn’t even know what these were before miracle #2. Shout out to the mommy with the bleeding nipples for bringing these to my attention! Basically it’s the material of a bottle nipple, but thinner, and it goes over your nipple and helps with bad latching and chapping. Life. Saver.
Nipple cream.
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article sponsered by Northern Michigan certified lactation consulting and Mother Hubbards Country Cupboard
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