Thursday, October 1, 2020

Progress Update #4: On the loneliness of ANR

Things have been going well since my last progress update. I’m not producing a solid 1.5 ounces per day and it only seems to be increasing. I’ve also been getting more out with just the pump and relying on hand expression less. I still do a lot of hand expression, though, mostly just to be sure that I’m as empty as physically possible to encourage increased milk production. I’m really hopeful about how steadily my milk volume is increasing. Maybe someday my dream of lots of milk will occur!

One thing I did not expect when I started this journey was how strong the need to nurse another person would be; how ingrained and instinctual that urge was. I knew when I started out that I wanted to nurse someone. There were times when I tried to play down how big a part of this journey that was for me, but let’s be real, I was just kidding myself. As time has gone on though, that interest in nursing another person has only increased. This has been somewhat complicated by the fact that my spouse is definitely not into ANR. We tried, but her heart wasn’t into it, so I’m not going to force her. But that does leave me wondering: where will this journey take me? I love my wife, and I can’t imagine my life without her, but I also know what I feel inside, and a life without ever nursing someone seems so grey and unfulfilling. I don’t really know what to think or do about this situation, so I just try to avoid worrying about it most days. I choose to focus on my successes and stay positive about my journey toward lactation. But there are times where that longing does weigh heavily on my soul. There are days when it feels as though I might burst if I don’t get to nurture another soul with my breasts.

I’m working on a post about hand expression to be published later this week. I’ll try to include lots of links to videos on the proper technique!

Xo

Phoebe



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