So I skipped last week’s progress update because mostly nothing new had happened. I’m still producing between 1.5-1.75 ounces of milk per day and I suspect that that amount will not change unless I were to get myself a nursing partner. Breast pumps and hand expression are great, and I have made great progress using them. I mean in 10 weeks I went from “let’s try inducing and see if it works” to producing more than 1.5 ounces per day. That’s huge! But, there is something about having a human that you like and care about latched on to your breast that changes things. Maybe it’s their scent, or maybe it’s running your fingers through their hair as you watch their cheeks swell with your milk, or maybe it’s the physical closeness of having them up against your body while they nurse, or maybe it’s all three, but that experience clearly has an effect on the body. And I’m wondering how much more of a volume I will be able to achieve without all that. I’m still going to continue trying, and I’m hopeful that I will at least be able to maintain my current volume but I’m tempering my hopes for a liter a day for now.
That leads me to my second big news and that is that I’ve gone back to working in my office part time. I work for the government and when the pandemic hit they sent us all to work from home. That is part of how I’ve been able to achieve the progress I’ve been blessed with so far: by pumping and expressing often and regularly throughout the day. I’ve been somewhat worried about how going back to my office every other will will affect my supply, but so far my body is keeping up. I’ve been (temporarily) blessed with an office (with a door!) so that is helping, but I do notice that I forget to drink enough water at work. That’s my latest goal is to get back on track with drinking enough water.
And my final update is pretty unexpected. When I started inducing, obviously I knew that there was a sexual component of this for me. Clearly I understood that nursing another adult was a sexual act for me, and that it both made me feel sexy, but it also turned me on. What I didn’t expect was how admitting those feelings to myself would open the door to other feelings. I didn’t expect that finally being honest with myself about one desire would give me the space to be honest with myself about other desires. And it turns out little old Phoebe is a lot kinkier than previously thought. So that’s fun, and also kind of stressful, and there’s so many things I want to learn about and see, and try. This process has liberated me in ways I never could have imagined, and I’m beyond grateful for everyone who has been there along the way and encouraged me so far.
Xo
Phoebe
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article sponsered by Northern Michigan certified lactation consulting and Mother Hubbards Country Cupboard
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