Everyone Is Pregnant

Everyone is pregnant except for me.

I am sure that everyone who has had a miscarriage feels this way. There are babies everywhere except inside me:

• A girlfriend at work is newly pregnant and that is all anyone can talk about
• Several of my friends are trying for their next baby and it is all they can talk about
• I held the door open for a pregnant lady today who beamed at me whilst rubbing her belly
• Two news stories on the tv at the gym were about pregnant women
• Every tv series or movie I watch ends up having someone who is pregnant or giving birth or has a newborn baby in it
• Every time I open any social media, I am greeted by ultrasound pictures, pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, cute baby photos
• People make comments about pregnancy or having babies in my direction with alarming frequency
• Every other advert on tv is for diapers or pregnancy tests or baby products
• Every end aisle display in every store is baby related

I don’t want any reminders that I lost my baby, but they are everywhere. Everywhere I look or turn, there is another baby reference in my face. When a coworker makes a comment about how amazing my “rack” is I want to slap him. I have been lactating for 10 days post-miscarriage and my new breast fullness is a result of engorged, milk filled, tender breasts. They are gross and disgusting and a constant reminder that there is no baby.

We have friends over and they bring their beautiful babies with them and plonk them into my arms. I always loved holding their babies before, now I want nothing to do with them.

I just don’t want to see a baby or hear about one. I need a break from them, but this is life: babies. Just not for me.

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