So you’re an excited (or nervous, or scared, etc etc etc…) individual expecting a new little one into your life. I’m going to call this ageless little one Buttons (I know they’re not a cat, but work with me). You and/or your partner would like to chest/breast/human milk-feed/re-lactate/lactate. However you are planning to do it, you want to provide Buttons with human milk, because, you know, everyone says it’s the best. Okay. So your devotion to providing the optimal nutrition is not the issue here. And actually, it’s not the issue with lots and lots of parents. We’ve all heard it before, we know that “breast is best”. But what happens when you’ve tried for 3 months and suddenly you just can’t cope? What happens when you’re sick and your partner is off on a business trip and you have two other kids at your heels? What happens if you’re transitioning or going through menopause? What happens if your doctor told you that people from your ‘background’ have less nutritional milk (which is so wrong, by the way)? What happens when you have nipple pain and mastitis and sleeplessness and anxiety and you just don’t have any answers and you feel alone in your journey with a helpless infant?
THERE IS A WAY! This is not to scare you off. You are making the right decision, and the experts aren’t wrong, human milk straight from the source is best (you are the source, just fyi). But what all those experts have forgotten is that it is also hard. We know human milk-feeding (HMF) is best, but the support to do it is missing when it gets hard and that’s where the medical community and governments and PSAs are falling flat. Some people find it easy right from the start and don’t have much of a problem, but generally, people are fumbling their way through this pretty independently, with issue after issue, making it up as they go along. We don’t want to ask questions in case we seem incompetent or hear something we don’t want to hear. We don’t want to ask for help in case we are putting someone out, but we don’t want to make mistakes because oh my god we can’t fail. We can’t do it alone, we have to ask questions. But you can do this, and it’s worth doing it, you just might need some help along the way.
And so the key is, after committing to producing and providing human milk for your babe-a-licious baby-kins or toddling tornado… commit to getting a support network.
If you can, do this before your new one comes. If you are planning to re-lactate (as in, inducing lactation without a pregnancy), you may already be researching how to do this (if not, I’ll have a post coming soon with resources for you!) and that often comes along with at least a small amount of medical community support. But we need more than that. Most new parents or caregivers are not surrounded by a hands-on community without asking for it. HMF a new one is hard. But it’s also worth it. And you can succeed, but your chances of success are increased exponentially with every addition of support you have around you.
Okay, so where can you get your support?
If you have a partner, start there. Talk about your feeding decisions. Make sure they understand how you would like to feed Buttons and make sure they’re on board. (If this conversation isn’t going that well, I’ll also have a post about ways you can navigate this… establishing and maintaining that feeding relationship is definitely one of the most important things you can do for Buttons.) Okay, check.
Friends and family. Historically, parents and grandparents are a wealth of information, but in the past couple of generations, knowledge around lactation and human milk went the way of the VCR and the roll-down car window… If you’re one of the lucky ones with milk-experienced family, use them! But be wary, because even the most supportive people can have misled information and ideas about milk, things like scheduled feedings, and when to introduce solids. “Well, it worked for my kids,” is a very common thing to hear, and unfortunately it’s just not always accurate, even if well-meaning. Do your own research, and again, make sure they know what your plans are for feeding Buttons. I have a friend who is expecting a second child and had a tough time emotionally with their first. About 8 weeks in, I was tagged into a group chat asking for everyone to rally around their family in whatever way we could. It’s not an easy thing for everyone to do; I know I’ve never been good at asking for help when I need it, but if you set up your net before you fall, it may be a much softer landing.
Find a local (or online) La Leche League International (LLLI) chapter. Most chapters operate in-person meetings on a monthly basis and anyone can attend (and you can usually bring your older kids if you can’t find childcare). Larger cities often have multiple chapters, and they are in over 70 countries worldwide, and if there isn’t one close enough to you, you can check out their online community here, or their Facebook community, both of which can provide buckets of support and wisdom.
Get online support! Nowadays we tend to depend on online communities as much or more than our in-person alternatives. Google is a great resource if you know what you’re looking for. LLLI is great and open to anyone, but if you are looking for support more specific to your own group or identity, head to my resources page. If you don’t see anything that jives with you, tell me and I’ll do the digging. Unfortunately for all the wealth of information on the internet, support for minority and marginalized groups still tends to be small and hard to find. The good(ish) news is, if you keep asking for it, it will eventually exist. And if it exists, I will post it.
Alright, so you’ve got partner, family and friends onboard, plus a whole bunch of strangers in your city and around the world. What else is there? Your doctor, your OB or midwife and your pediatrician. SMH. This can be great or really tough. The truth is that most doctors have very little training with human milk-feeding, let alone with anything off the terribly beaten path in that world. Even OBs and midwives get very little. If you have a good open relationship with your doctor, fabulous. LOTS OF DOCTORS ROCK MY WORLD! But lots of other doctors were trained during the era of super-pro-formula and, especially in the US, formula companies still have their hands in the pockets of the medical industry, as much as WHO and UNICEF try to yoink them out. So it can be a battle to get your GP or medical professional onboard. But try. Have the conversation in advance. Tell them, much like your convo with your partner, that you are planning to do this, in whatever way you are planning to do it, and you’d like their support, and please don’t immediately tell you to use formula at the first sign of a problem. Even if your med-profesh isn’t totally seeing eye-to-eye, at least you’ll have laid the groundwork. My personal advice, if at all possible, is to find a doctor who is ready and thrilled to work with you to make your choices a reality. But I get it, for some people this may be impossible, out of the sphere of reality, just not an option, or simply more legwork than you are realistically prepped for. So, as a bare minimum, have the talk; at least they’ll know where you stand.
Anyone else? If you have the funding, or the benefits available, set up a meeting with a Lactation Consultant. International Board Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLCs) are sometimes covered by health benefits plans. You may also be able to find doctors who specialize in HMF services, and a Lactation or Breastfeeding Specialist who is independently educated will likely cost less than an IBCLC. Ultimately, there are several programs that give people designations, but IBCLCs are the most regulated and internationally renowned. (I also have a post on dismantling the confusion of lactation professionals coming soon.)
If after all of this you still feel like you need something else, send me a message. Maybe there’s something you just need to talk about, a worry, a nagging question, I’ll do my best to help you.
Okay! Now you have your support network toolbelt on and ready at a moment’s notice. There will still be battles ahead, but maybe you feel a little better knowing that you have hands to hold and people to fall back on if you need them. You can do this. We will all help you.
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article sponsered by Northern Michigan certified lactation consulting and Mother Hubbards Country Cupboard
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