Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor, a nurse, nor a lactation consultant. This post reflects my personal experience and opinions, please seek medical help if you have concerns about your pregnancy, delivery, or care for your baby.
Hello again, and welcome back to another parenting-related entry. As with previous posts, this will be my own personal opinion and I truly hope it is of some help to others. It has taken me a while to write this because I wanted to make sure I addressed this as respectfully and as honestly as possible. Breastfeeding is one of the critical parts of child-rearing, its extremely important for both mom and baby and it is also something that, for some reason, new moms continue to receive unsolicited advice almost non-stop. No matter what you choose or have chosen to do, I want you know that I totally respect your decision(s) and this post is in no way meant to be a criticism on anyone who had a different path than me. All I want is to talk about the topic and hope to give some information, comfort, and advice to any new moms and future moms out there who, like me, felt extremely overwhelmed and confused about this.
Alright, so the reason I felt compelled to write about this topic is quite simple: breastfeeding is REALLY hard. That’s not news to anyone, I’m sure, so I am certainly not the only person to write about this or share their opinion on it, nor will I be the last. I will list some resources that I found helpful at the bottom of this post, and by all means feel free to share some yourself if you have any good ones! My breastfeeding story begins when I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant, that’s when I started feeling more pain and weight on my breasts and so it started feeling more real. I even noticed I started getting fluid dripping out occasionally, and I found that super weird but oddly amusing!!! I also started massaging the breast tissue, as I read that could help with milk flow and letdown (fancy word for the milk actually flowing through), and sometimes I also applied heat with a heating pad to help with some of the pain. Then baby came along, and he was delivered through c-section. I read, and I was also told by other moms, that when a baby is delivered via c-section vs vaginally, your milk may not come in right away. Why you ask? Well, apparently the body is SO smart, like way too smart for ourselves to even understand, that when a baby is delivered vaginally, your body is able to tell “hey, we had a baby, great let’s start producing milk and shrinking the uterus and all that jazz!”, but when it is a c-section, your body doesn’t figure it out as quickly, because after all the baby was removed by a doctor rather than expelled by your muscles, so it takes the body a bit longer to be like “oh, hey, baby isn’t here anymore!”. I know, mind-blowing. So, if you have a c-section like I did, you may notice your milk could take a few days to fully kick in vs if you had delivered vaginally. In my case it did take around 2-3 days to come in completely, and boy will you know when it does! Your breasts should still produce colustrum fairly soon and there will be milk in there, so no need to panic. When my baby was brought out to the world, I wasn’t able to get immediate skin-to-skin simply because that is the nature of c-sections. First, the doctors pull baby out, they check him/her to make sure baby is healthy and all, and then they bring him/her over to you as close as possible. Keep in mind at this point your still frozen from the waist down, cut open, and strapped down, so it’s not like you can actually hold the baby yet. While you and your partner get some preliminary cuddles, the docs and nurses are busy stitching mama back up, cleaning you, etc. Once I was all stitched up, hubby was sent back out to our nursing room (so out of the OR), and the nurses helped me get my gown back on, they put me back on the stretcher and set me up so I could be semi-sitting, and they also test you to see if you can feel anything from the freeze. At some point, all of the sudden, they plopped my baby on my arms and said “Ok mom, time for some skin to skin!” So that was the first time I ACTUALLY got to hold my son! SO EXCITING!!! And they told me to put him on my breast right away, too! And I was like “wait what now? how? oh ok sure!” and just plopped him right on! And that was my very first experience of my baby suckling on my breast. It is a straaaaange feeling, but it wasn’t painful at that point. I was just in complete awe of this tiny human that I finally got to meet. So they had me all prepped and before I knew it they were wheeling us out of the OR and towards the maternity floor and into a room!
Alright, so now the reaaaal fun begins…. The nurses transferred me and baby onto our bed, cus I’m still on a stretcher at this point, and they make sure I’m all propped with pillows, and blankets and anything else I need, and then we begin the discussion about the breastfeeding. As I had read before in all the different pamphlets and books and websites and videos, the nurses explained the proper “latch” position for baby’s mouth, they showed me how to hold him and all that, and basically off you go! It’s kind of like riding a bike, you can read all about it and watch videos or whatever, but you just gotta go for it! So there I was, with my baby drinking out of my body, such a surreal thing! For the first while I had no idea if I was doing it right at all, but I knew something was happening cus you can FEEL it, it’s very odd hahahaha. So it’s all fun and giggles for a bit, but after a couple hours when the adrenaline starts to wear out, I started realizing I was in quite a bit of pain. The nurses and lactation consultants would come to help me whenever I asked, and they were so patient and kind with me. For some reason, one side hurt more than the other, so I tried to feed longer on the side that didn’t hurt. The lactation consultant also showed me how to collect colostrum from my nipples with a syringe and feed baby that way, in order to give my body a break. Guys, it was really hurting. I was crying at points. I think it was the second day that baby decided to cluster feed, and I vividly remember him feeding on one side for like 80 minutes straight! I was balling my eyes out, in so much pain, and later that day my husband pointed out my nipples were bleeding. Great, only day 2 and already bleeding nipples—yaaaay. It sucked. I had to try to give that side as much of a break as possible, and feed on the other side. It was rough, and for the first time I started to question if I would be able to do this at all. At this point, all the medical staff was being super supportive and encouraging, they even brought me a pump in case I decided I wanted to do that, but I wanted to keep trying to breastfeed. Another challenge we had is that for the first 48 hrs, baby kept falling asleep during feeds, so he wasn’t eating enough. We had to get creative on how to wake him up so he would keep feeding. Anything from tickling his feet, so getting him naked, to rubbing his back and head with a wet wipe. We felt horrible waking him, but he HAD to eat so it was necessary.
-
Initial meeting during c section! -
Breastfeeding newbie!
The entire time we were in the hospital I continued to breastfeed, with the occasional help of the syringe method, and though it was painful I kept pushing on. It is very tiring, and because I had a c-section, it was also painful for me on my back and on my stomach, from the weight of the baby (which isn’t a lot but this gives you an idea of how weak I was). The nurses continued to check on me, and although they informed that I had “great technique” and that I “was a total natural”, it was still so painful. We went home and I continued to muscle through the breastfeeding, but it was getting harder and harder. Although the pain was something I was getting used to, my baby was just so fussy. From the very start (day 3/4) he would constantly fight the feedings. What do I mean by that? Ok, you know how on TV or movies you see the baby just plopped on the boob suckling away all happy and peaceful…yeah NOOOO. My baby was constantly shaking his head around, pulling on the nipple with his mouth, spitting it out then crying cus he was upset that there was no milk, waving his hands and kicking with his feet, you would’ve thought he was not enjoying it or something, he just would not sit still. And he would be feeding all nice and calm then all of the sudden spit out the nipple and LOSE his shit. I was so frustrated!!! I kept thinking “DUDE you had it in your mouth WTF? Why are you spitting it out then being upset about it!!???” This went on and on and one, so feeding him would take a long time cus half the time he was not eating, he was just being restless and kicking, so instead of a feed taking 30-45 mins, it would be at least 1hr if not 1hr and a half or even 2hrs! This made it so much harder for me to be able to rest my nipples, or even just rest, cus you know in the beginning babies are eating almost around the clock. And you know what you can’t do while breastfeeding? Pretty much anything. Can’t go pee, can’t go get food, can’t shower, can’t sleep. Oh and did I mention you get a MONSTER appetite when you’re breastfeeding?? Why didn’t anyone tell me that one!! So yes, it is hard work.
A day after we came home from hospital, we had our first visit from the public health nurses. They checked baby and weighed him, and they noted he had lost weight but that it likely would just come back normal. I told them about my challenges breastfeeding, and they checked my “technique” and baby’s latch and couldn’t find anything wrong. Whenever you say to someone “it hurts to breastfeed”, their immediate response is always “well are you doing it right? If you’re doing it right it shouldn’t hurt”. As a new mom, I assumed they were right and I was wrong, but after having several nurses and even a lactation consultant witness my latch and technique and them assuring me it was PERFECT, it STILL hurt!!! So I just want you to know that you might have everything theoretically correct but it could still be painful, and that does not mean that you’re making it up or exaggerating, it simply can be painful. They just encourage me to keep on it and see if it would get better, which I did for several more days, but I was getting to a very low point. It’s very difficult to push through when you’re in pain and exhausted and there is nothing you can really do but “suck it up”. I tried so hard, but I was getting to a point where I was dreading feedings, I was not looking forward to it, and I hated that feeling. I felt guilt and shame, I felt like I was a mom so I “should” love every moment, I “should” long for that skin-to-skin time, I “should” absolutely adore every second of being with my baby. And I know I’m not the only one, and that’s because we’re always being told how “beautiful” and “wonderful” and “magical” and “rewarding” motherhood is, and breastfeeding is SO damn glorified. Yes, for some women breastfeeding probably IS magical and amazing, but if it is not for you, that’s OKAY! So, after battling with these thoughts and emotions and having breakdowns every single day, I finally decided I couldn’t do it anymore and made the decision, with the full support from my partner, to start using bottles.
-
Our bottle station! -
One of the pumps I used
I started using a pump and putting the breastmilk in bottles and feeding my baby that way. And THAT was truly a pivotal moment for me. I could now actually enjoy feeding him, and not be in pain, and my husband could also feed him which was amazing for him in his own right. I still continued to do breastfeeding for large parts of the day, but it wouldn’t be every single feed. We took baby for the first check with the doctor and he noted he still was low on weight, so once again, the guilt came gushing back. All of the sudden, I felt like a failure again, I couldn’t successfully breastfeed my baby so clearly I was a shit mom and it was my fault that he could not gain weight. I was devastated. The doctor told us to try to feed baby with the bottle method for 2/3 of his meals, and do breastfeeding for the remaining 1/3, that way he could get more food in him since with breastfeeding he was so fussy. My husband was very supportive and reassured me that I wasn’t a failure or a bad mom, but it was hard for me to accept.
-
SO -
DAMN -
TIREDDD
By using bottles, baby started gaining weight again and by his next checkup he was doing much better. Our doctor encouraged us to continue doing what we were doing, so pumping milk into bottles was definitely working for me. About 3 weeks or so in, I was finding it hard to pump around the clock in order to have enough milk for baby, so I started exploring how to use formulas. I read about it, but also wanted to get some guidance on how to actually do it. Like how do you choose a brand, how much do you make to start with, do you mix it with your own breast-milk? I had LOTS of questions, so I spoke to someone in one of our local community program that supports pregnant women and moms, which is run by volunteers, and I had my first negative interaction. The person I spoke to was clearly trying to discourage me from using formula, and assuring me that breast milk was the way to go. I didn’t really get much help in terms of what brand to use or anything, and I felt very judged and not supported. I was a bit taken aback, but when I spoke to other mom friends they, too, experienced similar pushback when questioning whether breast-milk was the right choice for them. Another super annoying thing: every time I asked WHY was breastfeeding supposed to be so much better, I got the same speech and no real scientific information. It was always a spiel about “well it’s the bonding, it’s the skin to skin, it’s just so amazing for babies and moms”. I wanted to understand why it was important for a baby health-wise, because skin-to-skin contact can still happen if you use bottles. After a LOT of searching the web, I FINALLY got an answer that was useful. It turns out, when your baby’s saliva interacts with your breast tissue, that sends feedback to mom’s body and tells her what baby needs in terms of nutrients and antibodies (check the Resource page for links). WHY DIDN’T PEOPLE JUST TELL ME THAT?! Geeez. So I was like, “ah ok, so there is an important biological need for that interchange, ok, that motivates me to have some breastfeeding time with baby”. Just say that, not that it’s just a “magical thing”. That explains why my doctor said that just breastfeeding a little bit would still be good, and then I can go on and pump and be merry.
In summary, I just had the experience of being questioned a lot whenever I had suggested pumping and even more if I brought up formula, but the more I spoke to other moms I started feeling like, you know what? I have to do what’s best for me. I inquired about what brands others had used and gave it a shot with the “ready-to-drink” format, which is what is recommended for babies under 2 months of age.
I started by giving baby only 10-20mls of formula after he finished a larger portion of breastmilk, and it was fine. Baby was FINE! Nothing bad happened! I still had nuggets of guilt in my head, but I reminded myself of all the encouraging words from my mom-friends. Eventually I discovered baby didn’t enjoy the brand too much, so I decided to try a different one and he loved it right away! We now use Similac Advance, but I know there are many other brands out there and it’s just a matter of preference. Over time, we got to the point where baby would have almost 50% breast-milk and 50% formula, and it was a huge help in terms of getting a break from pumping all the time. Pumping is also hard work, it’s not easy just because you hook something to your boob. You gotta be sitting in the right position for several hours through the day, you got to help massage the milk in to get the most milk out of you, your nipples still hurt, you gotta be careful to clean things all the time, I mean it’s still a commitment, and you’re still very hungry cus your body is producing milk around the clock. Your breasts will still leak, so you gotta switch your nursing pads a couple times a day, its a whole thing you guys. And you know what, I started realizing that I wasn’t really enjoying it. I missed being able to just sleep on my chest or not be leaking all over the map, I was sore a lot, my back was sore a lot, so I was slowly starting to accept that maybe I would not be one of those moms who breastfeed for a year or more. Every day was a battle, and every day I was asking myself how much longer I could do this. Again, it was starting to become a negative thing, rather than a happy, joyful one. I started pumping less, and doing the breastfeeding only at nights, because it was much easier to just undo the nursing bra flap and put baby on me and allow him to just pass out naturally besides me (yes, we have ended up co-sleeping, something I also didn’t think would be for me!). That worked great for several weeks because I still was able to give him breast-milk, plenty of contact, and we both were able to sleep better.
Not every night was smooth, of course, baby was still a fussy eater. Even with bottles he can be like that, the difference is that if he pulls on the bottle’s nipple I don’t feel extreme pain! As time went on, I kept longing for the time when I would not have to breastfeed, and that’s kind of when it hit me and I was able to admit it to myself: I did not really enjoy breastfeeding. That doesn’t mean I don’t love my baby, or that I don’t love to hold him or have skin-to-skin. But it took me a long while to realize that the two aren’t mutually exclusive. I just wish there was less pressure for moms to do things one way only, and to expect them to love every minute of it. I imagine if my baby was a calmer eater, cus I know many babies are, I probably would feel very differently about it. But you know what, I wouldn’t change my baby for anything in the world, I rather me be the one adjusting and, at the end of the day, as long as he is healthy and FED, it will be okay.
Our baby is almost 4 months, and we recently switched over to formula completely. I feel SO much better physically and emotionally. My breasts aren’t in pain, my back is much better, and feeding baby is no longer this super intimidating, stress-inducing sacrifice I have to dread. It’s just another part of his care, like a bath, or a diaper change, or playtime. He is absolutely healthy, and we are looking forward to introducing some solid foods once he turns 6 months. And another thing, you can STILL get a lot of skin-to-skin contact even if you bottle feed. I don’t think baby and I are less “attached” or anything simply because he feeds from a bottle. I understand this might not be the case for other moms, but it is working for us, and I want to encourage other new moms to be kind to themselves if they have to explore different options or methods. I mean yes if you can breastfeed for 6 months or more, awesome! You just saved yourself a lot of money and extra cleaning :) but if not, that’s perfectly ok too! Don’t let others shame you for your choices, even if it comes from medical staff. Follow your instincts, and remember that the main goal is that baby is healthy and fed. That will look differently for everyone and thats’s alright. If I do have a second child in the future, maybe it will be a totally different experience, but at least I will no longer beat myself up for what I perceived as a “failure” or a “short-coming”. A baby needs a mom that is herself healthy, that is loving, and that enjoys being with them. Yes sometimes it is hard and I still have rough moments, my baby happens to not nap much during the day so I am still struggling with severe exhaustion but hey! at last feeding is no longer an issue. It’s just meeting a need he has, and we get PLENTY of cuddles and boding time, I guarantee it!
Alright that’s all for today, I hope this is helpful to someone out there. We need to stop mom-shaming. This is a super hard gig as it is, the last thing we need is other trying to bring us down and criticize us and telling us what classifies a “good mom”. I have listed some resources on the Resource page, under the subtitle “Breastfeeding”. If you’re a mom or mom-to-be, you’re a fucking rockstar!!!!!!!!!!!! (also if you’re just parents in general, you’re a damn hero)
Stay safe out there <3
_
Karen
from lactation « WordPress.com Tag Feed https://ift.tt/3bMA8Cm
article sponsered by Northern Michigan certified lactation consulting and Mother Hubbards Country Cupboard
No comments:
Post a Comment