A few weeks ago I blogged about how to put together a postpartum care kit. I explained a little about what a postpartum doula is and how everyone can make a difference to a postpartum mama. You can read that post HERE.
Now besides putting together a postpartum care kit, there are several things you can do.
1) Keep your distance until invited.
While everyone loves to see a newborn baby, keep your distance until the family invites you. The mama may not feel up to visitors and all the coming and going can cause a lot of undue stress on the family. Let the family know you are thinking of them, you are excited for a new baby, and that you love them.
This also includes giving the family a couple days after the birth to get everything more in order before you call. This will vary from family to family so this may not apply to you but just be considerate. The few first days postpartum can be kind of crazy, so if you do call to wish congrats, don’t be offended if the phone call isn’t very long.
2) Keep visits short unless invited to stay longer.
Postpartum families may not be up to entertaining guests. While you may feel that you aren’t wanting to be entertained, that you are just there to welcome the new baby and give congrats to the new family, the family may not see it this way.
If you are staying a while…
3) Ask if you can help them with anything….ANYTHING
Emphasize anything, laundry, dishes, errands, childcare….changing diapers even. Anything that will help the new family rest. Sometimes the family can feel judged, feeling like you think they can’t handle it, so be careful how you word it. After you love on the baby (although stay away if you are sick), ask them to put you to work. Jesus served, and as we bring Jesus into our hearts, we have a servant’s heart. Ask them how you can best serve them.
4) Sometimes, don’t ask, just do it.
Going along with number three, this can be tricky. People today can be very hesitant to ask for any help, fearing that it may seem like they don’t have it all together (does anyone ever have it all together?). Drop off a dinner, or give a call to ask when you can pick up the other kiddos to take to the park.
I personally have a problem asking for help. Our church wanted to bring us meals and I declined, saying that my husband was quite a chef and we had a list of recipes ready to go. In hindsight, I should have just accepted the meals because it would have made a huge difference and I was deny someone the chance to serve (not that a postpartum should be worried about allowing others to do whatever, this is all in hindsight…remember).
You can also talk with the family BEFORE the baby is born to set up these things. This can be helpful to the family knowing they have support postpartum. When I was in labor with babies 2-4, I was able to focus so much knowing my children were well taken care of and that family and friends were will to take them…even overnight…to let me labor and get rest afterwards.
Things to help with can include:
Bringing meals
Picking up dry cleaning
Grocery shopping
Taking children to school and/or picking them up from school
Shoveling snow/raking leaves/mowing the yard
Light housecleaning (to include taking out the trash)
Laundry
Dishes
Bringing/making meals
Driving mama (especially moms who had a cesarean since they aren’t supposed to drive for 6 weeks…2 weeks for most moms who had a vaginal delivery)
Pray for them
Just listen to them talk
5) Hire a postpartum doula (with their approval)
While that seems like a shameless plug, I am only 1 postpartum doula who serves my local area. DoulaMatch is a service that allows you to search for doulas in your area.
The great thing about postpartum doulas is that we are trained to recognize warning signs of complications and mood issues that may arise postpartum. This can be helpful especially if there were any concerns during the pregnancy, labor, or delivery. Doulas are not medical professionals but are considered non-medical birth professionals.
If she had a doula for birth/labor, see if she does postpartum as well. Most birth/labor doulas do make a visit to see mama after she gets home but many also offer more postpartum support for those who want it.
Whatever level of support you decided to give….remember this…keep you opinions to yourself, unless they ask. While most mamas handle unsolicited advice starting at the moment they find out they are pregnant, show a little love and just don’t. This is not the time to give your personal opinion on breastfeeding, vaccinations, diapering, sleeping arrangements, etc.
The postpartum family, as they adjust to their new family, is one that needs to be loved on and nourished. All of them…dad, mama, siblings, and new baby. Find a way to serve them.
Let me know…. did you have any support postpartum?
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article sponsered by Northern Michigan certified lactation consulting and Mother Hubbards Country Cupboard
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